life through this, and you won't look back

I've been inspired by my good friend Bill to focus more on this blog. Bill, whom I actually dated for a hot second back in 2004, is one of the finest people I know, and I am happy we've remained close through these years. More often than not, I take a breakup and have smashed whatever's left to bits, leaving absolutely nothing. He is one of the few (I think 3!) guys i've dated, or hung out with, or however one chooses to define it, that i've maintained a friendship with. Currently, he is in Prague, and I am so proud of him for being so brave to just pack up and go, and follow life wherever it takes him. I wish I had his courage, his strength and his faith. His blog is amazing, and I hope it leads you to live your dreams as well. I've added a link to my "people" section, but you can also check it out here.

In going through yet another breakup, the first since I was thrown back into the pool of singledom after leaving Richmond, I find that it's not too hard this time around. Of course, it's terrible, well for a bit, at least. It sucks to connect with someone in a good way,in the best way and have fun (always fun, this last one was) and explore and love and just feel like the sun is yours only - and have it ripped away from you. However, I find myself doing the same cliche breakup things i've done in the past, and will probably have to do again in the future. Drink heavily? Check. Smoke heavily? Check. Hibernate with the blankets over my head? Check. Burst into tears in the grocery store? Check. I'm okay, i've done this before. Can't y ou tell?One thing that remains a constant, from the breakups in the past (3 in 4 years, 2 of which were live-in situations, ouch!) is the album that saves me every time. That album, Set Yourself On Fire, by Stars, is my Desmond Hume. My constant. Listen and love.

There's something about a breakup in New York City that's different from other places. Suddenly, the city that was your pearl, is now your pile of dog shit. The skies seem to be grey all the time, the other couples seem to be even more grotesquely adorable, and the streets seem cold and lonely. All the little places, "your" places, are no longer yours. The corner you kissed on while waiting for the light to change. The bar where you first held hands. The Indian restaurant you first felt your heart jump. The concert venue where you found a dark corner in the middle of the sold out set to make out. It's a city where there are millions of these places, to millions of people, and they remain reminders of a better time, and the people you were when you were there. Most of them I have tried to avoid, i've tried to seek out places where I feel anonymous, where I feel alright to be alone. However, the inevitable is there. The bar that was yours is stil lthere, and your friends still go there. The bathroom in that bar where you made out is still there, and they still do karaoke on Wednesdays. It's all still there. And, whether or not you wanted it to, life goes on. Feelings are fleeting, but places and people are forever. Unavoidable. So, you do what you always do to deal with it - pick yourself up by the bootstraps, and try as hard as you might to move on. The world is still there, and it is still yours.